I recently joked to my boyfriend about being in the midst of an identity crisis. Depending on the person or business entity, I am known by different names. Some documents, like my mortgage and student loans, list my maiden name. My bank accounts and drivers license are my hyphenated last name. My work identity and go-to name to introduce myself as is my formerly married name.
Sam (“the boyfriend”) offered up my hyphenated last name as the identity to get added to a VIP list for an event we were invited to. It led to jokes from his friend about whether or not I’d add a second hyphen if we got married. Of course not, I thought, who does that? I told him to just put my formerly married name, as it’s what I most commonly go by. I cracked a joke about having an identity crisis, but there was some truth behind that joke.
What’s in a name?
No matter which last name gets used, I’m not sure I fully identify with any of those names. My maiden name, Fiorito, means little flower in Italian. I am definitely little, standing four foot ten and a half inches, but I’m far from being a delicate flower. For the record, I must say that including the extra half inch on my height is as important as it would be for a guy who measures 6 versus 6 and a half inches.
Anyone who knows me and my story knows I am not a delicate flower. I have had numerous storms try to take me down, and yet, with each storm, I get stronger. I refuse to be taken down. Delicate flower, psst.
Woychick is my married name. WAS my married name. I’ve been divorced a little over two years now, closer to three since my separation. When I was getting married, I was hesitant to change my name. The feminist in me wanted to keep my maiden name. The conservative side of me wanted to share a last name with my future kids. The compromise was to hyphenate.
I’m not sure I fully thought through the ramifications of hyphenating my last name. Laurie Fiorito-Woychick is a mouthful. Combining two difficult to pronounce last names together into one big clusterf&*^ was not a wise idea. But no one stopped me. No one suggested that signing that long name on loan documents and on tiny boxes on paperwork was going to be both annoying but also challenging.
Over the years, between a fourteen year relationship that included ten years of marriage, that started when I was 22, to having kids at age 26 and 29, I lost sight of who I was outside of those roles of wife and mother. Layer in the complexities of a “corporate persona” that was born out of necessity in order to afford the expenses of moving to Boston at age 27, I lost sight of myself.
Laurie Fiorito was an advocate, a photographer, a writer, enjoyed nature and thrived off of helping people. It is time to bring her back, redefine my identity and become who I was meant to be before I got lost in my role of wife and mother. Welcome to Older, Stronger, Wiser by Laurie Fiorito. Join me on my adventure of reflecting and discovering who I was meant to be.